Culture Is Everywhere. (Especially in Conflict.)
A professor once asked my class to define the word “culture.”
Even in room full of smart, thoughtful, and highly empathetic people, the right answer was elusive. None of our answers felt totally adequate.
Some said that culture is, “a set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization, a corporate culture focused on a bottom line.” To me, that was close but still sounded like something written by HR.
Another definition offered was, “a patterned way of thinking followed by a group of people over a period of time based in some hidden code of conduct or set of rules.”
Webster’s Dictionary defines culture as: “the beliefs, customs, arts, etc. of a particular social group, place, or time.” I personally clocked Webster’s cheat-code use of “etc.” in this definition.
I went full attorney-mode with my attempt, “a perceived sense of identity derived from a learned rational or irrational matrixed mode of thinking shared by a collective of people, developed over a measurable period of time.” One of my colleagues perfectly responded to my definition with, “Such a lawyer-nerd thing to say.” Stipulated.
In general, we tend to associate “culture” with nationality, ethnicity, religion, language, or geography. We become particularly aware of culture when we travel somewhere unfamiliar or interact with someone whose customs are noticeably different from our own.
But culture is much broader—and much closer to home.
Whatever the exact definition, our own culture is a complex collection of identities, experiences, values, expectations, traditions, practices, and ways of thinking that helps shape how we understand the world around us. Also, culture is not made quickly – it develops and evolves over time.
In many ways, culture is like the air we breathe. When we are surrounded by our own culture, we barely notice it. It is often only when we move outside the comfort zone of our culture – when we breathe different air – that we become conscious of the assumptions we have been carrying with us.
And all of us belong to many cultures at once.
There are national and regional cultures. There are religious and family cultures. Businesses have cultures. Professions have cultures. Generations have cultures. Even neighborhoods, schools, and organizations develop their own ways of communicating, behaving, and understanding what is expected. (Also, micro-cultures, but that that’s a whole other blogpost.)
That makes culture incredibly important to understanding and navigating conflict.
We Don’t All See the Same Thing
Because of the power of culture – two people can experience precisely the same conversation and walk away with entirely different understandings of what just happened.
One person believes they were being direct. The other experienced them as rude.
One believes they were showing respect by remaining quiet. The other interprets the silence as indifference.
One expects a decision to be made independently. The other cannot imagine making it without consulting family or colleagues.
Neither person necessarily acted irrationally. They may simply be viewing the same interaction through different cultural lenses.
Our cultural backgrounds can influence how directly we communicate, how we understand hierarchy, how we experience time, how comfortable we are with uncertainty, and even how we make decisions. Some cultures place greater value on individual autonomy; others emphasize harmony and the interests of the group. Some communication styles rely heavily on explicit words; others leave considerably more to context, relationships, and what remains unsaid.
Those differences can be fascinating.
They can also become the seeds of conflict.
Curiosity Instead of Assumption
Understanding culture is difficult. All too often, our understanding of another culture relies on the judgmental and overly simplified act of stereotyping.
Knowing one thing about another person does not mean we know that person or understand their culture.
Cultural categories can help us recognize possibilities, but they can also put people into boxes that do not fit them. There are enormous differences and complexities within cultures, and every person carries a unique combination of cultural influences, personality, experiences, relationships, and circumstances.
At Peacefield, we try our very best to be students of cultural competence. To us, this means listening without judgment to others talk about their life, interests, community, and perspectives on very human ideas – like time, emotion, family, and honor. We try our best to be students of our environment.
It begins with curiosity, humility, empathy, and self-awareness.
And that self-awareness matters. Cultural competence and intelligence requires us to understand not only the cultures of the people around us, but also our own. We each bring a lens into every conversation — a collection of assumptions about what is normal, respectful, fair, appropriate, or reasonable.
Instead of assuming, we should ask.
Instead of judging another person’s behavior according to our own culture’s expectations, we should become curious. This isn’t easy. It takes a lot of practice, and practice requires a seeking out opportunities to become exposed to other cultures. This can be an intimidating prospect – but it is one of the greatest ways to experience the richness of the world which we all inhabit together – and the variety of life and humanity that our planet has to offer.
And perhaps the hardest part about setting out to learn about other cultures is that we first need to direct the curiosity and self-examination inward, toward ourselves: What assumptions am I bringing into this conversation? What does my culture tell me is normal? What biases have I developed? What are my unconscious biases (and yes, we all have them)? Am I willing to adapt if the way I am communicating isn’t working?
This can be uncomfortable. We all make assumptions. We all have biases. We can all be resistant to change and unsure of new ideas. So, we know practicing cultural competence can be uncomfortable work!
But it can also be remarkably rewarding – and even life enriching.
Culture and Conflict Resolution
At Peacefield, understanding culture is part of understanding conflict.
When people are in conflict, it is particularly important to try to see the world from another person’s standpoint. Real resolution often requires us to look beneath demands and positions and understand the people, values, needs, identities, and experiences underneath them.
One question particularly resonates with us:
What kind of bridge do we need to build today?
That is one reason deep listening is so important to Peacefield’s work.
We listen to what people say—and what they don’t. We listen for differences in communication and decision-making. We remain curious about what respect, fairness, trust, family, responsibility, or even a successful resolution means to the particular person sitting across from us.
Cultural intelligence can improve communication, build trust and rapport, and open the door to more creative solutions.
But there is something even larger at stake.
When we genuinely encounter someone else’s culture, we are given an opportunity to see the world through a lens other than our own. We may not adopt that perspective. We may not even agree with it.
But understanding another person’s perspective can expand our own.
That is one of the great possibilities within conflict. The differences that sometimes divide us can also become opportunities to become more curious, more empathetic, more adaptable—and ultimately more connected to the people around us.
Culture can contribute to conflict. Understanding culture can help resolve it. And learning to appreciate the differences between us can enrich what happens long after the conflict is gone.
